Setting a goal like ‘lose 10 pounds’ seems simple enough.. Right?
There’s a statistic that says 90%+ of people that set new year resolution goals, fail..
I’m confident this also applies to goals set between new year resolutions.
We’ve all been there.
This is a category I call ‘Wishing’
The idea of getting the benefit of achieving the goal sounds nice.
But you have no intention of making a plan or look into what it’s going to take to achieve it.
A Wish.
Many early clients were stuck in the wishing category.
They would sign up for personal training and only show up to a few sessions before “life happened”.
Some clients didn’t even show up to their first session after signing up... the FIRST SESSION.
This gnawed at me since my first year as a trainer in the fitness industry.
Am I doing something wrong as a trainer?
- I continue researching about programming effective workouts..
- Are the workouts too hard or too easy?
- Are the workouts too boring?
Are there better approaches to nutrition guidance?
- Atkins diet, Paleo, mediterranean, zone, fasting, keto, etc..
- Nutrient timing, supplements..?
- Strict diet, more food choices, better recipes?
Am I motivating my clients enough?
- More check-in meetings
- Motivational quotes and encouragement
- Weight check every week to several times per week
Do they need a more flexible approach?
- More classes available
- Different ways to adjust the workout
- Flexible dieting
Sure, these questions helped improve my craft and provide a better service..
But I still had clients that would fall off track.
This is a category I call ‘Temporary Fix’ or ‘Temporarily Fixed’
The focus is still mainly on the benefits of achieving the goal, but now you’re taking action.
You’re looking for a temporary fix or it’s temporarily fixed to you..
Until life jostles you around and the goal falls off.
My clients would blame life getting busy, losing motivation, or emergencies...
But I couldn’t leave it at…
“That’s how people are sometimes..(shrug)”
I needed answers.
Understanding What it Takes to Achieve the Goal
You hear about mental toughness, discipline, persistence, and grit to achieve your goals..
You also need a good plan, breaking down into actionable steps, and forming good habits..
But what I’m talking about, comes before these suggestions.
My clients took a big first step..
They broke the usual pattern in their life to seek support..
They pushed through the fear of judgment, anxiety, and whatever emotional or mental obstacle people face with their body..
They invested hard earned money with a stranger..
To achieve this goal they’ve talked themself out of for 2 years..
Or even failed at with several attempts.
So for some, just signing up for training is an accomplishment in itself.
Unfortunately, many only connect achieving this goal (lose XX pounds) with signing up for training..
And that’s as far as they get..
- They don’t consider the added time commitment for working out..
- The adjustment to their diet and starting to cook healthier foods..
- The energy or time they will sacrifice from leisure activities into this goal..
- They don’t take time to see how their life would change with this goal.
They obviously imagine how great they will look and feel from achieving the goal…
But don’t realize it will require changing their habits, mindset, lifestyle and essentially a part of who they are..
This is a category I call “Identity”. Where the goal becomes a part of your Identity.
Have you ever noticed a person’s personality change or they start acting differently once they:
- get a new career or get promoted
- join a new group / organization
- have any significant change in their life
Well, either their identity shifts and their behavior follows…
Or they change their behavior, causing them to shift their identity.
You’ll typically see people change their behavior when they have no other choice..
But a word of caution, you don’t want to wait until this point because this is where:
- You have life altering health issues or diagnosis
- Debt has piled up or you’re filing for bankruptcy
- An important relationship has been shattered
Your goal is to shift your identity before this happens.
For a deeper understanding of how your behavior, goal and identity are connected..
Let’s take a look at a concept called Control Theory.
Control Theory is a psychological concept and general approach to understand self-regulation..
(i.e. How people make decisions moment-to-moment to maintain current conditions or to achieve a desired change)
The most basic level or unit of Control Theory is the Negative Feedback Loop
(not negative in a bad way, but to remove or negate the deviation from a standard or goal) (Carver and Scheier’s 1982)
The Feedback Loop looks like this
- Sensing or perception of a present condition (Where are you now?)
- Present condition is compared to a reference value/standard (a goal)
- If there is a deviation from present condition compared to the goal, a behavior is performed
- That behavior will have an impact directly or indirectly to the present condition so it matches the goal.
Here are some simple examples:
- Perception - I feel hungry
- Standard - I don’t like hungry feeling
- Action - Eat some food
- Impact/Outcome - I don’t feel hungry anymore, yay
- Perception - I’m walking down the sidewalk and trip onto the grass
- Standard - I should be walking on the sidewalk
- Action - Change my direction of walking onto the sidewalk
- Impact/Outcome - I’m back on the sidewalk, on my merry way to the gym
- Perception - I see myself in the mirror and don’t like how I look
- Standard - I want to look good
- Action - Go to the gym and eat right
- Impact/Outcome - Boom, I’m sexy now
You get the idea.
The theory is you do this throughout the day, consciously and subconsciously.
Now there are layers to this.
(Powers (1973a; see also Powers, 1973b) says there’s a hierarchical system.
This next part is the crucial connection between your goal and identity.
Once you perceive the current condition (Step 1 above)
The standard or goal you compare it to (Step 2) has a list of prioritized standards (a hierarchy)
- System Concept - is at the top of this list ( Idealized Self-Image, characteristic you want to embody, “who you should be”... Your Identity)
- Principle - is the actions you would take if you identified with the characteristics in System Concept
- The levels below is where the behaviors are planned and acted out, down to the specific finger movement (program, relationship, sequence, transition, configuration, sensation, intensity)
Self-image and Principles
You can have several ‘system concepts’ that are either..
Taught in forms of lessons or rules
OR
Learned through experience and absorbed from your environment
- Taught in forms of lessons or rules:
- “Good boys or girls do (fill in the blank) or don’t do (fill in the blank)”
- Family or cultural norms
- Be a responsible person
- We always share with others
- Family is the most important thing
- Health issues are in your genetics no matter what you do
- Your family name is sacred and you deserve the best in the world
- You were born poor and will stay that way
- Religious beliefs or ideologies
- you’re a good person if you follow these rules
- you’re naturally a bad and flawed person
- you exist for reasons and people except for yourself
- Do unto others as you would have done to you
- Family or cultural norms
- Learned through experience and absorbed from your environment:
- Get praised when you accomplish something so…
- “I have to keep accomplishing to get praise”
- Get bad grades and get scolded even when you’re trying so…
- “I”m not good enough when I try, so what’s the point”
- People that voice their opinions or conflicting point of views get reprimanded or ostracized so…
- “I’ll keep my opinions to myself, follow the crowd, and do what I’m told”
Principles tie in with system concepts, for example
- ( System Concepts -> Principles )
- Be a responsible person -> Follow through on commitments
- Genetics determine my health -> Eat whatever I want because it’s all genetics anyways
- You have talent that is specific to you -> keep trying until I find a way that works
If you A(believe this about yourself)... then B(these are the types of actions you would take)
However….
You’re not consciously thinking about your Ideal Self-image and Principles with every single decision
For most people, the Self-image (identity) has been set for decades..
Some shift their self-image every few years..
Meaning they are reinventing themselves or they don’t have a clear sense of identity.
And others shift later in life only after a significant change happens..
Or they realized they don’t like the identity they've accepted at a young age.
The Solution
Here’s how you can set your goal and connect it to your identity..
So you’re not part of the 90%+ that fail at reaching their goals.
The Identity Goal Method
Use our sample goals as a thought exercise
- Lose weight
- Earn a promotion
- Get more resources
- Build your own business
- Find a spouse/husband/wife
- Whatever outcome goal you choose
1. Set a goal and find a way to connect it to your Identity (System Concept)
Your identity is tied to the most important people and things in your life.
If you can only have 5 people or things for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Now, how does achieving this goal benefit or affect these 5 things?
Make the connection.
2. If your identity doesn’t align with your goal
- figure out if your identity isn’t working for you or..
- if you need to reframe your goal so it fits with your identity
For example, if your identity is always sacrificing what you want to make others happy..
Any goal you set for yourself will take a back seat.. (your identity isn’t working for you)
If losing 10 pounds doesn’t seem to affect those most important in your life..
Reframe ‘losing 10 pounds’ to: (reframe your goal so it fits with your identity)
- Having more energy each day
- Being healthy and living longer
- Being more patient or better emotional control
- Having a stronger body to prevent injuries
3. Write down and read how your goal connects to your identity every day
Multiple times throughout the day
Remember, we’re not talking about some flippant wish that randomly crosses your mind.
This is a goal that will level up your identity.
You’ve been acting and reinforcing your identity for 20, 30, 40+ years.
If you want to add to or adjust your identity (which is essentially written in stone)
You will have to chip away at that stone.
The saying goes..
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”
But I’m confident this Identity Goal Method will help.
Don’t rely on ‘hacks’ to achieve goals that will alter the course of your life.
Mold it into your identity.
- Daniel Ji
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